Usually my blogs are about the kids and special occasions. This morning I using my blog as an outlet for me, an outlet to just take a deep breath and breathe.
I LOVE my job and I'm probably an very fortunate person. I realize not many people LOVE theirs.
My job can change in a second from good to bad. We have busy nights, where we run all night long. Then we have slow nights, where we are dragging our butts, trying to stay awake, hunting for something to do!! One of the worse things we deal with is the unexpected death. That is what I dealt with last night with my coworkers and that is why I'm writing this post.
Every person deals with death differently. Some families come in the room and turn around and walk right back out. Some hang out in the room and chit chat. Some keep their composure and some lose it. As a nurse I never know what to expect.
What I do know is my part. Turn the lights down, have chairs in the room and boxes of kleenex. To stand in the background. To be there for the family to lean on and try to answer their questions. To step out and give them time and let them know I'm there.
Unfortunately, you kind of get use to this. But this morning it hit me.
As I bring back a lady that started having chest pain while she was drinking her beer tonight and started to work her up. The Charge Nurse comes into the room to let me know that I will be getting a priority 1 trauma. A 22 year old involved in a MVA ( car vs tree) and the helicopter is 8 minutes out. So I give my drunk chest pain lady to the next nurse and go get my trauma room ready.
When they arrive this kiddo (yes, a 22 year old is a kiddo) had multiple horrible injuries. I couldn't even begin to start typing them all out. He started to Code minutes after coming into the room. Everyone did everything they could for him, his injuries were just to bad. So the Trauma Surgeon decides to call it and I let him know the time 0041. A hush comes over what just seconds ago was a loud bustling room. And then we hear it.......remember my drunk chest pain lady......."OH MY GOD, GET ME OUT OF HERE, SOMEONE JUST DIED NEXT TO ME, YOU KNOW THOSE SPIRITS LEAVE WITH YOU. I WANT TO LEAVE NOW!!!" Silent laughter filled the room!! Only a curtained seperated the two rooms.
One of the bad things about this is the parents of the kid were 3 -4 hours away. The chaplain spoke to them and let the know their son didn't make it. So now the tech and I clean up the kid and get the room ready for when the family arrives.
Once again, you're never really sure what to expect out of the family, but I do know my part. This morning was different. Is it sad to say it hasn't gotten to me in a long time, that I'm use to this?? But when the mother leaned over her son to say good-bye and kiss his cheek. My eyes swelled up with tears and I thought to myself...I've got to get out of here for a moment, I can't cry. But it just hit me in the chest like a ton of bricks when I watched that mother. I walked over and put my hand on her back and told her she could stay as long as she liked, that I was stepping out to give them some time. I went outside to get some fresh air and kept my composure. I wasn't expecting my reaction.
There has been only one time that I lost it. A couple of years ago. A father ran to the ER doors carrying a limp baby that had rolled off the bed and hung itself between the bed and bedside table. As the doctor called the time on that code the whole room was silent except the sniffling that began. The room was filled with nurses/moms. It is especially hard to loose a kid around the same age as your own, what am I saying.. it's hard to loose any kid. That night I called my own mom and cried on the phone to her and asked her to kiss my baby.
If there is one thing I've learned....life is so precious and can be gone in an instant. I thought about the mom, the brothers and dad on my drive home and yes, I cried.
Please say a little prayer for this family.
